Everything inside of me wanted to defend myself.
Saying “No” is easiest when we say it to someone else. We stop and think through their actions and evaluate the long term effects their choices have on them, others, and even the whole organization. But too many leaders do not give their own actions the same forethought. They allow themselves to be ruled by their emotions or their instincts and then find themselves cleaning up a mess of their own making.
Saying “No” to ourselves is critical for leaders if they want to become Leaders of Character. Our feelings and our instincts will betray us. There is always a moment in time where we have a choice. Sometimes that choice means we just have to say “No”.
In my career, I had an employee who I hired and coached dutifully. I liked this person and believed they had the potential to thrive in their role. But, over time, it became obvious they were not suited for the job. Despite the time and coaching they received from me and others, they did not perform. Therefore, I had to make the tough decision to let them go.
When they left, they made some hurtful and untrue comments to others about me and how I treated them during their time on our team. Everything inside of me wanted to defend myself. I had a reputation that they were damaging. I couldn’t believe that they would say the things they were saying after all the time we spent together.
At that moment, I had to say “no” to defending my actions and explaining what really happened. If I had, I would have let my instincts and my feelings make an unwise choice for me.
Refusing to listen to our lesser self makes us wise. Our lesser self tells us:
● I deserve this or I don’t deserve this.
● I don’t feel like it today.
● I am tired.
● This is just who I am.
Notice the pronoun involved in those statements. When it is all about me, we usually make decisions that drive us away from wisdom. We define Humility as believing and acting like “it’s not about me.” Saying “no” to ourselves means we place something or someone else before ourselves.
Refusing to listen to those voices that make it “all about me” is never easy in the moment. But we all know that the impact of saying “yes” in those situations is the rarely the right thing to do. I am not talking about ignoring how you feel. But we can’t let ourselves make decisions without running our choices through a filter. That filter includes our values. What do we stand for? And also who do we want to be - our character.
Knowing our values - “what do we stand for?” And defending our character - “who do we want to be?” will provide us with the filters we need to avoid making those lesser choices.
Saying “No” to ourselves is sometimes the best way to stay on the path to wisdom and becoming the Leader of Character we are all called to be.
Question:
● When was the last time you wished you had said “No” to yourself?
● How could running your choices through your values and who you want to be have helped you make a better decision?
Here is a quick assessment that will take you 5 minutes to figure it out. Nobody will ever see your results but you.
Warning: If you are not going to be honest with yourself this is a worthless assessment.
To take the assessment use the QR code above or go to www.MYCHARACTERTEST.com
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